Title: A Riff-Off Bet
Rating: K+/T (nothing too bad, only mentions of sex really)
Summary: Based on Pitch Perfect—Sebastian makes a bet with Kurt that at the Riff-Off when the Warblers win they’ll have to share a kiss.
Author’s Note: Songs mentioned are as followed: What Makes You Beautiful by 1D, I Want It That Way by Backstreet Boys, Bye, Bye, Bye by NSync, Glad You Came by The Wanted, Lucifer by SHINee, I Just Had Sex by The Lonely Island ft. Akon, Rude Boy by Rihanna, Right Round by Flo-Rida, and For Your Entertainment by Adam Lambert. Also, this is un-beta’d. Any mistakes are my own.
“You know this is the part where you start falling for me,” Sebastian says. He leans forward, grinning widely at Kurt. “See, you’re kinda one of those a cappella guys, I’m another one of those a cappella guys. We’re going to adopt some aca-babies. It’s inevitable.”
“Really? I think you’re just drunk,” Kurt replies. Though he tries to look serious, a grin begins breaking across his face.
“I can walk in a straight line,” Sebastian says. “Which is why I can perfectly make this bet with you.”
“Bet?” Kurt asks.
“Yeah. See, Warblers are guaranteed to win the Riff-Off, so when we win, you have to share a kiss with me.”
“And if the New Directions win?” Kurt asks. “We are kind of good on our own.”
Sebastian leans forward. His green eyes are alight as he replies, “We’ll see.”
Later on, the four groups on OSU’s campus are gathered with several people gathered to watch. On one end stands Sebastian with the Warblers facing the New Directions on the opposite end. In the other two corners stand Vocal Adrenaline, otherwise known as the automaton singing machines that never get past regionals because of said machine-ness, and Adam’s Apples, a new group that’d just been started by a senior named Adam.
“Welcome to the Riff-Off!” the announcer exclaims. He takes his pointer and begins letting it spin on a wall. When it stops, he turns towards the group and announces, “Boy band songs.”
Rachel Berry, upon hearing that, pushes through. As she makes it to the middle, the Warblers have already started bopping the opening to “What Makes You Beautiful”.
Sebastian stands at the forefront, singing the chorus, “Baby you light up my world like nobody else. The way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed. But when you smile at the ground it ain’t hard to tell. You don’t know, you don’t know you’re beautiful. If only you—”
From the New Directions, Finn steps up singing, “You are my fire, the one desire; believe when I say I want it that way. But we are two worlds apart, can’t reach to your heart when you say that I want it that way.”
The others come up, singing back up as they get to the chorus, “Tell me why, ain’t nothing but a heartache. Tell me why, ain’t nothing but a mistake. Tell me why, I never wanna hear you say I—”
From Vocal Adrenaline, Jesse St. James sidles up to them, pushing them back as he begins singing, “I know that I can’t take no more. It ain’t no lie. I wanna see you out that door, baby bye, bye, bye. Bye, bye! Don’t wanna be a fool for you. Just another fool in your game for two. You—”
Sebastian, looking directly at Kurt, cuts in, singing, “You cast a spell on me, spell on me. You hit me like the sky fell on me, fell on me. And I decided you look well on me, well on me. So let’s go somewhere no one else can see, you and me. Turn the lights out now; now I’ll take you by the hand, hand you another drink, drink it if you can, can you spend a little time? Time is slipping away, away from us so stay, stay with me I can make, make you glad you came. The sun goes down, the stars come out, and all that counts, is—”
Adam and the others appear in the center, singing, “is the Lucifer, the Lucifer. Nareul mukkgo gadundamyeon sarangdo mukkin chae. Miraedo mukkin chae keojil su eobtneunde. Ja yurobge biweo nuh go barabwa. Ojik neoman chae ulge, neoman gadeuk chae ulge. Geobu hal su eobtneun neoeui maryeokeun Lucifer.”
They stop, staring at the wide-eyed, confused looks the others are giving the group. Breathing deeply, Adam says, “It’s Korean. K-pop?”
The announcer steps up, “Okay, new rule. Languages we can understand. You are,” he and everyone else claps their hands and make the same cutting motion over their neck, “Cut off!”
He pulls out his pointer that decides the music and points it back at the wall. It spins until it lands once more. Turning around, he announces, “Songs about sex.”
Smirking, Jesse begins singing, “I just had sex and it felt so good (Felt so good). A woman let me put my penis inside of her. I just had sex and I’ll never go back (Never go back) to the not-having-sex ways of the past. Have you ever had sex? I—”
Santana, along with Brittany, jumps in, “I like the way you touch me there. I like the way you pull my hair. Baby, if I don’t feel it, I ain’t faking. No, no. I like when you tell me kiss it there. I like when you tell me move it there. So get it up, time to get it up. You—”
Hunter, sidles beside Sebastian and motions to stop singing. “You spin my head right round, right round. When you go down, when you go down down. You spin my head right round, right round when you go down, when you go down down. From the top of the pole, I watch her go down. She got me throwing my money around. Ain’t nothing more beautiful to be found. It’s going down down. From the top of the pole, I—”
Kurt runs to the forefront and begins singing, “I bet you thought that I was soft and sweet. ‘Ya thought an angel swept you off ya feet, but I’m about to turn up the heat. I’m here for your entertainment. It’s alright, you’ll be fine. Baby, I’m in control. Take the pain, take the pleasure, I’m the master of both. Close your eyes, not your mind. Let me into your soul, I’m a work it ‘til you’re totally blown. No escaping when I start. Once I’m in I own your heart. There’s no way you’ll ring the alarm, so hold on until it’s over. Oh, do you know what you got into? Can you handle what I’m ‘bout to do? ‘Cause it’s about to get rough for you. I’m here for your entertainment.”
When he stops, he watches, waiting for someone to jump in. After a minute, the announcer steps forward. He turns to the Warblers. “Well, this is interesting. As much as we enjoyed your song Warblers, the choice was supposed to be about sex. Your song was about stripping. You are cut off!”
The Warblers all stare wide-eyed at Hunter, who looks like he might fly into a rage. As the New Directions are crowned victor, Kurt sidles over to Sebastian.
“Looks like we won,” he says. A smirk breaks across his face. “Looks like your bet didn’t come through.”
“Yeah, looks like it,” Sebastian replies. Though he’s trying to look like he’s fine with the outcome, his jaw is clenched and he looks like he’d give anything to fix the outcome.
“Well, looks like I get to collect on my end of the bet.”
“Which is what?” Sebastian asks. He raises an eyebrow.
“This,” Kurt replies. He leans forward, pressing his lips to Sebastian’s. His hand wraps around the back of Sebastian’s head, pulling him impossibly closer.